Of Conscious Mistakes

It was a Wednesday. The lecture before lunch. With a rumbling stomach and motivation that I had quite frankly exhausted on Monday itself, I oscillated between indifference and exasperation.
The only upside to sitting in class was that time had stopped (I kid you not – apparently even time looses motivation to move forward on Wednesdays) and I was beginning to finally comprehend Einstein’s theory of relativity. It’s a different matter that as an MBA student the theories I had to be appreciating were of a different sort but never mind that.
Somewhere between my fantasies of food and sleep, passive hearing transitioned to listening. I caught the professor offering an anecdote that took my fancy. Perhaps my brain decided to latch onto this nugget of wisdom because it had nothing to do with the subject. Oh by the way, meet Brain – Brain is immune to information of any practical importance – Brain lives in a universe conjectured to amuse itself. In other words, if I were stuck in a burning building… it’s my reflexes I’d count on to get me out of there, not Brain.
“If you’re going to make mistakes, at least make conscious ones”,said the prof. I liked the sound of that. Mistakes, I have made plenty. And a sundry assortment of them at that – conscious, unconscious, whatever. Sadly there are only so many mistakes I can attribute to my butter fingers and cheesy toes. Plethora of bruises to remind that I have a long way to go before I master the art of coordinating my limbs.
If I stretch my imagination and get a little crafty, I can share the blame of at least some of these mistakes on other poor unassuming souls. Okay, so if I decide to drive to the nearest grocery store instead of using my excellent motor skills to walk, it’s fair to say that Karl Benz is to share some of the blame for my poor decision. Going about inventing cars without factoring in the lazy ones like me. Reckless. Absolutely reckless.
But even after all the disingenuous justifications, I am left with a set of mistakes that are mine. Actually no. Sadly, they aren’t mine at all. The compulsive, unconscious ones that choose you instead of the other way around. The only mistakes you ever live to regret but in all honesty are the ones you have no control over. Primal, visceral and impulsive. The kind that gets the heart pumping while the head decides to vacation? If you haven’t already caught the drift, I was referring to caffeine. When my heart took to it like moth to a flame, what say did poor Brain have.
But who knows? Maybe someday Brain will decide to step in and envelope a couple of my unconscious mistakes into it’s conscious realm. Goddamn thing consumes a fifth of all I eat, high time I see the fruits of all it’s free loading. So until then prof… matters of the heart, vagaries of the mood, and of course, fluctuations in body temperature are unconscious mistakes that we’ll just have to make peace with.

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